Just the Beginning...

I know I promised y’all a final closing email from this summer’s adventures. And I broke that promise of the timeline I had anticipated so I’m sorry for that. To be honest, I haven’t finished processing. I feel like I haven’t really started. The time in my life when I lived in Africa may have passed but the images from the slum, stories of changed lives of UNZA and CBU students, echoes of joyful laughter at the orphanage, and warm hearts of all the people on my team have stuck with me every day back in America. I don’t think I’ll fully be able to express in words how I felt then and especially how I feel now. Life since the end of July has been fast, busy and chaotic. Times have been hard. I’ve experienced disappointment in my own life. I’ve cried with sisters in need. I’ve felt lonely and distant from school friends. I’ve fasted in prayer and petition for the lives of my sorority sisters and for the men of the Greek Village. Coming back into a place with hundreds of “friends,” I was surprised to find that I had never felt more alone. Alone in the sense that no one has seen what I’ve seen. No one has been held by an African child struggling to get warm in the cool night. No one has been with a Zambian student when she found out she had HIV. No one knows. To be honest, I’ve been battling bitterness for a while here. People just don’t get it. This isn’t real life. Real life is about so much more than comfort and monetary gain. It’s about relationships. Not just handing a friend a tissue but hurting when she hurts, crying over the pain she’s experiencing, rejoicing when she rejoices and really investing in the lives of the people closest to me. I’m preaching at myself just as much right now but it’s a constant battle to stay relationally focused every second of the day. Right when I got back to USC I found myself caught up in the busyness of life, the drive for getting good grades and therefore placing old friendships farther behind- all while wondering just how Zambia was going to transfer back to my own life.

It took the rug getting pulled out from under me multiple times to make the connection. God is the same. He always has been and will always be. The way I experience and see Him may be different but the way He loves me is unchanging. The way He cares about the hearts of every person around me hasn’t wavered. My mission is exactly the same- love God and love others. It’s that simple. Why do I continually think it’s more than that? Why do I think I have to earn God’s favor? Maybe because some American Christianity tells me that but God’s Word tells me otherwise. Though my vision is clouded and I haven’t experienced God in the simplest of ways as I did in Africa, His work is just as beautiful and He’s still actively pursuing each and every person. Rather than working towards some sort of short-term goal even in ministry, I can rest knowing God will use me regardless of how much I stress out. It’s been such a beautiful gift to experience God’s faithfulness in this long journey since Africa. The pattern (weekly, daily or even hourly) goes as follows: I feel alienated. I drift away. I try to earn my spot back by becoming overwhelmed with success in ministry. I fail. God prevails. God meets me at this lowest point to pull me up to His highest. God blesses me by letting me see just a glimpse of what He’s doing on this campus. I’m put back in my place to see that life is so much more than we all seem to think it is. His arms are outstretched for me and He’s cheering me on every step of the way. Maybe it’s not through worshipping with hundreds of Zambians in their native tongue, but I have had some amazingly sweet times with the Lord.

As chaplain for my sorority, I’m blessed to be able to organize and lead the Bible Study in Alpha Chi and we met for the first time a couple weeks back. We ended last semester with around 5 of us. Two weeks back, after an incredibly difficult week personally, I’m put back in my place yet again. Twenty Two… 22! girls surrounded me, overflowing the couch and sitting all over the floor. Girls so hungry for the Gospel, so broken before the Lord and ready to see a change come about in their lives. They opened up their hearts like I’ve never experienced with this group before. They admitted their failures and praised God for His sovereignty, trusting in Him to bring them out of their current trials while still praising Him for the trial. Trials have been so heavy on everyone’s lives lately. But what’s beautiful is what we get to see through it all. It’s been such a great place to be able to worship God for the trial rather than begging to get out of it. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4) This is coming from the girls who didn’t want to trust God with any part of their lives last semester. There is no other word for what’s been going on except for beautiful. Since God’s bigger than our expectations, the miracles didn’t stop there. Our new house mom, Jan, walks in to see what we’re up to, and when we invite her to join our Bible Study she says with tears welled up in her eyes, “Now I know why I’m here.”

Now I know why I’M here: My daily realization and healthy slap in the face. I’m not in Africa. My passport didn’t get approved for nothing. I’m in Alpha Chi at USC in Columbia, South Carolina. God wants to use me HERE! God wants to keep growing my heart, revealing Himself to me, and using me to advance His kingdom. The girls here still struggle with the same doubts, fears and insecurities as the girls in Lusaka, Zambia. Thousands of miles away and my mission is the same. Maybe I’m not surrounded by an incredibly encouraging group of student missionaries. But I AM surrounded by the God of the universe! By the One who knows every single thing about me- the grossness of my sin, my selfishness- and STILL wants to use me for His glory! STILL wants me to experience His joy! So what if I’m not surrounded by poverty? Money is just as much an issue here. Not a lack of it but an overabundance of it, an obsession with it. Every single part of the Zambia trip that weighed so heavy on my heart CAN be applied here. God’s heart is the same. The disgusting hearts of humans are the same. Sure it’s okay for me to have rough days, for me to struggle with the transition at times. But what’s not okay is for me to fall into the belief that the mission trip is over. The mission field is here. It’s in your office. It’s in your home. It’s in your classroom.

My experience in Lusaka, Zambia is one I will think about every single day of my life. It’s one I will never forget- the miracles, the sounds, the sights, the smells, everything. I am so blessed to have been able to see what I did and to experience God in such a pure way. I am so grateful to each and every one of you for making my trip possible financially and for encouraging me through sweet words and powerful prayers. I know a piece of my heart will always be with those people. Instead of checking that off of my bucket list, God has ignited a passion for the nations within my heart. If you would’ve asked me even six months ago I would have thought you were crazy. But if you asked me today if I would consider living in Africa for the rest of my life, I would tell you absolutely, without a doubt. I’m not sure what the future holds for me with returning to Africa but I praise God for the experience and for what He’s doing NOW.

I’m not too sure how to wrap this up besides a million thanks and a heart of gratitude. Please continue to pray for those people- the Deborah Orphanage (www.zambiahope.com) adults and children, the students of UNZA, CBU, and just every life we came in contact there that God would continue to do work in their hearts. Please also join me in transitioning my main focus to the lives here. Greek students are so hungry for something more, for Jesus. We’ve already seen so many hearts and lives changed this semester and we’re believing God for even greater things! Check out our own version of cardboard testimonies with all Greek students here at USC: http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=730500778486&ref=mf

Lastly, know that I am praying for YOU. I’m praying that God will be glorified through our connection whether you’re a friend of a friend, a family member, or just a stranger. I pray that God challenges you as He’s challenged me so that you can see just how great our God is to us! I pray that you choose to live your life for something greater, for the glory of God. I pray against apathy and comfort, and that God will draw you closer to Himself daily. I pray that you place relationships at the front of your life and that through Him you approach life with a boldness that doesn’t seem to make sense to any other person. May God bless each one of you! So blessed to have shared in this journey with y’all!

In Him alone,
Amy